This time two years ago I was getting ready for my last night in America for what I thought would be six months (it really ended up being nine months). I would have already moved out of my house in Eau Claire, where I lived with two of my closest friends. My bags would have already been packed. I would have been laying in bed, going over the plan for the following day over and over in my head: getting up early enough to be in Chippewa for my last day of student teaching followed by heading off to the airport after school. In the airport, I would end up crying at least three times before taking off. To say I was scared would be an understatement. As soon as that airplane took off, I immediately had regret. I was certain that I had made a mistake. Certainly the will of God wouldn't cause this much heartache for myself and those I love, would it?
Now two years later, I am getting ready to be in that same situation once again in just two short months. In some ways it's harder this time. First of all, I will be gone for at least two years. That's kind of a long time to be away from my family and friends. This time, I have a better understanding of just how much will change back home when I'm gone, where I was completely naive to that last time (and was definitely blindsided). It's hard knowing that life will go on without me, especially because I have a major case of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out).
On the other hand, it is also easier this time in some ways. I now have friends in Australia and Papua New Guinea that I'm looking forward to seeing again. I have a better understanding of what to expect this time. I have also witnessed God work in miraculous and incredible ways (not only in Australia and PNG, but at home as well). I have so much more faith and trust in God now than I did two years ago because I have experienced God's faithfulness and power. I definitely feel tempted to panic almost every single day (and sometimes I definitley do freak out), but this time, I am choosing to be excited instead.
The number one reason why I'm excited rather than freaked out this time is because of what I learned the first time:
1) I learned how to discern the voice of God. This time I know that I'm being called to go.
2) I learned how to fight against lies that I made the wrong decision or am not good enough to be used by God.
3) I learned about and have experienced the character of God. He has become a close personal friend of mine who I can trust in the good and the bad times. I know that He will always stay true to His word.
As I begin to transition out of my responsibilities at home, I'm also excited about how the ministries and activities I've been a part of will grow and develop through this transition. I'm excited for the people who will now have the opportunity to step up to bless and be blessed by things like teaching the middle and high school Sunday School class, playing guitar and singing for my church's music ministry, being the Executive Assistant at and fighting poverty with Indianhead Community Action Agency, and so much more. I'm thankful that God does not only have a plan for Australia and PNG, but also for back home. This is just a part of that plan.
No comments:
Post a Comment